There is something I have begun to notice recently among my friends, acquaintances, TV shows, movies etc. Men gossiping about their wives. Besides the fact that this is just not manly, I think it is flat out wrong. Now, I know women do this and it is socially acceptable, if not at time honored tradition. But, lets face it, we deserve it most of the time. Hell, we don’t want to listen to them complain about us, better they tell someone else, right?
Ok, here’s the thing about trashing your wife to your buddies that makes this all wrong. We don’t share. Period. That is like the number one rule to guy code. We don’t share our clothes, our cars, and definitely not our feelings. Its hard enough getting a guy to tell you what time to come over for a BBQ and what to bring, you really think he is going to tell you how he “feels” about something? Of course not! So this harping on a wife is just downright abnormal.
Another problem this brings up is the issue of insecurity. Men are insecure, we know it, you know it, but we don’t talk about it. I don’t tell my buddies that I feel strange in a swimsuit because I have a scar or maybe I’m a little pudgy after the holidays. Why would I tell them, they are going to point it out anyway! (We are ruthless to each other the way that women are ruthless behind each other’s backs, but I digress.) If I am having problems with my wife, and I tell another man, that somehow comes back to me being weak. Don’t try to figure out why, it just does. I should be able to handle my household, right? We all know that is bullshit, but that is the lie that we convince ourselves to believe.
Then, of course, is the reason that we really should not use our time with the boys to tear into our wives. It is just stupid and disrespectful. I love my wife, yeah I said it. Does she drive me crazy sometimes? Absolutely. But, is that anyone else’s business? Absolutely not. We have our issues, and we work through them. Sometimes easier than others. But telling my friends that she said such and such to me or did not do something is not going to remedy anything. It is just going to make me seem like a sniveling little weenie.
I am a man, my wife is my partner and selling my partner out to my guys just to join in the conversation makes me a bad teammate. If there is anything men hate worse than a prostate exam, it is a bad teammate. We have all had them, and we all remember their names, and the last thing we want to do is be that jerk. So, lay off the wives. Let them do the gossip. They know it doesn’t mean anything. How they are able to do that, who knows? But it works for them. It’s not in us.