Why Men Should Not Trash Their Wives

There is something I have begun to notice recently among my friends, acquaintances, TV shows, movies etc. Men gossiping about their wives. Besides the fact that this is just not manly, I think it is flat out wrong. Now, I know women do this and it is socially acceptable, if not at time honored tradition. But, lets face it, we deserve it most of the time. Hell, we don’t want to listen to them complain about us, better they tell someone else, right?

Ok, here’s the thing about trashing your wife to your buddies that makes this all wrong. We don’t share. Period. That is like the number one rule to guy code. We don’t share our clothes, our cars, and definitely not our feelings. Its hard enough getting a guy to tell you what time to come over for a BBQ and what to bring, you really think he is going to tell you how he “feels” about something? Of course not! So this harping on a wife is just downright abnormal.

Another problem this brings up is the issue of insecurity. Men are insecure, we know it, you know it, but we don’t talk about it. I don’t tell my buddies that I feel strange in a swimsuit because I have a scar or maybe I’m a little pudgy after the holidays. Why would I tell them, they are going to point it out anyway! (We are ruthless to each other the way that women are ruthless behind each other’s backs, but I digress.) If I am having problems with my wife, and I tell another man, that somehow comes back to me being weak. Don’t try to figure out why, it just does. I should be able to handle my household, right? We all know that is bullshit, but that is the lie that we convince ourselves to believe.

Then, of course, is the reason that we really should not use our time with the boys to tear into our wives. It is just stupid and disrespectful. I love my wife, yeah I said it. Does she drive me crazy sometimes? Absolutely. But, is that anyone else’s business? Absolutely not. We have our issues, and we work through them. Sometimes easier than others. But telling my friends that she said such and such to me or did not do something is not going to remedy anything. It is just going to make me seem like a sniveling little weenie.

I am a man, my wife is my partner and selling my partner out to my guys just to join in the conversation makes me a bad teammate. If there is anything men hate worse than a prostate exam, it is a bad teammate. We have all had them, and we all remember their names, and the last thing we want to do is be that jerk. So, lay off the wives. Let them do the gossip. They know it doesn’t mean anything. How they are able to do that, who knows? But it works for them. It’s not in us.

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Why I Hate Romance Novels

Ok, so I am a guy, and that means that I automatically hate women’s romance novels to begin with. This goes deeper than pure gender though. This goes to the very core of what our society is based on with gender roles, double standards, sexual relationships and football. Ok, maybe not football, but I miss the NFL already, so I had to throw it out there. Anyway, back to business. Romance novels (and all of there spin-offs) are evil and they are making life exceptionally hard for men in America. To best explain this tragedy, I am going to deal with this issue in a professional and formal debate style, with resolved points. You can disagree if you’d like, but good luck.

Resolved: The men in romance novels are impossibly perfect.

This is not even an issue that can be challenged intelligently, even unintelligibly for that matter. The men in these stories are not only dashingly handsome, physical perfect, amazing lovers and capable of fighting and defeating any enemy that may come challenge his or his woman’s honor, they are also sensitive enough to cry, buy flowers and remember every important occasion that has ever taken place in the history of love and mankind. Are you kidding me? There are not enough hours in the day for me to workout enough to have freaking 8 pack abs and bulging biceps, then go to a obviously very well paying job to provide all those wonderful gifts to my wonderful woman, and somehow be able to make breakfast in bed and fight off the evils of the world. Seriously? This is creating a lot of unnecessary pressure on those of us that are pretty good husbands and fathers. How in the hell do I keep up? This is akin to women getting upset that men like to look at Playboy because the women are too “perfect” and women “do not really look like that.” Duh, we know that, we’ve always known that. We may seem like cretins, but we do actually have a brain in there somewhere.

Resolved: There is a serious double standard when it comes to women and men’s objectification of the opposite sex

One word: Twilight.

Imagine 100 men standing in line to see a movie with signs claiming how much they love Taylor Swift or Hayden Panetierre. Creepy? Damn skippy its creepy. But how many rown women went to see “New Moon” with “Team Edward” or “Team Jacob” scrolled all over everything? Strange.

I know that there are double standards everywhere and this is not the most important issue in the entire world, but I really would prefer if my wife would put down that Harlequin book and pick up Lord of the Rings, where at least men are men and they can be dirty and manly and hang out with dwarves and get drunk, and our women will still let us sleep in our own beds.

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Sexuality v. Violence

Why is it that in American media today, we are so incredibly sensitive to sexuality and nudity, but have almost no inhibitions when it comes to publishing and broadcasting images of violence. This past week is a perfect example of our affinity for violence and fear of nudity. On Tuesday, Terrell Owens and the NFL had to apologize for showing the naked back of a very attractive actress, Nicolette Sheridan, as a lead-in to Monday Night Football. But, in that same weekend, there was a monstrous brawl at a NBA Basketball game between the Pacers and the Pistons. ESPN, ABC, CBS, and all the other letters have shown this footage at least 100 times and have never prefaced it with a parental warning or any type of advisory. Now, I may be crazy, but as a father of two young girls, I would much rather my children see a naked human body than a grown man beat the pulp out of another grown man over a childish act. How do I teach my children not to hit and be violent, when that is how they see problems being solved on television? And, how on earth do I explain to them that it is okay to love your body and not to be embarrassed by it, when our society is terrified of nudity?

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